I dunno wuts better, the fact that me and LeeAnn are in palm springs and at eleven we're gonna go make our own SQUIRT GUNZZZ, tan at the pool, play on the waterslide, relax in the sauna, and then spend the whole day going to museums and art galleries, or how healthy we will be eating all day so I won't have to cry at the lack of vegetables in my life.


 
 
 
 
 
.

cheesecake makes everything better. I woke up at like six in the frickin morning cuz my stupid cough and sore throat and stuffy nose were making it impossible to stay comfortable. But then I had some cherry cheescake, and for a moment all was right with the world. Then I put the cake away and hawked a loogie and my taste buds went from "Yesss!" to "God no!", but still.


 
 
 
 
 
 
.

How shiny and bouncy and perfectly manageable is my hair right now? I FEEL LIKE A SUPER HOTT GODDESS OF SEDUCTION!!!! Don't worry Rodrigo-- I mean, he he, Bobby-- it's all for you. Aaaallll for you, babe. I love you so much.


*grabs a handful of her luscious hair and waggles it at you like a maniac, tickling your face. "Healthy hair, healthy hair!!!!!"*



.

fuck sadness

"I'm going to need a lot of metal music, weed, and smooches today," I say, giving him the recipe to cheer me the fuck up.

"I can take care of the smooches right now," he offers all sweetly, leaning in and puckering his lips.

And his kiss actually does manage to lift my spirits a bit.

But then later I'm petting the dogs and I look up at Yolanda there standing on the porch smoking her cigarette and she tells me, "You look sad," and then Evelyn frickin agrees with her and they both ask and ask me what is wrong. I tell them I can't talk about it, that I just want to be happy, and anyway, if I had my life together a little better I doubt I'd be in such a fucking impossibly low mood anyhow. So Yolanda tells me if it's about Bobby I should forget him and move on, and Evelyn adds to it and says I've given him too much of an extended chance, but I phoo them off. Later Evelyn mentions nonchalantly that if I'm really concerned about getting my life together, I ought to write myself a six-month plan.

So I ask Valerie and Vanessa to help me think up all the goals and ambitions I could possibly work on in the next six months, and also to give me motivational quotes and phrases. My favorite quote that we came up with is, "What would Evelyn do?" Also, Valerie gave me some phrase from the Jimmy Neutron show: "BRAINBLAST!!!!!" And some of her own originals, like:

"Don't be a dumphat, do your work."

"Do your best, don't make me come and get you."

And the oh so charming, "If you do your best, tomorrow you will be everyone's fascination."