i understand the need to be wary,

but impenetrable? 

how do i prove i am not the enemy? 

i bleed myself open 

as if my sacrifice could be 

a meaningful testament

but no. 

the only meaning you find is in loathing

and your calculation of this giant debt

the world owes you

everything has shifted,

and it's better kept out of your sight.

out of range from your stupid selfish radar

til you learn

what it means

to love. 

boundary lines have all been reset

to include a generous buffer zone.

because i know you'll keep walking 

with your knives out, 

ever-ready and vicious

til you learn

what it means

to feel safe.

it's always going to be the same shit

even when i think it's a New scene

until i learn, yeah I'm learning

that it's not so hard as i thought. 

and i can be stronger. 

the coldness takes over me finally, a virus
eating away at me, eating my warmth,
robbing me

i am
carving a perfect version of my heart

like a block of marble
fromthe outside in

breathing life into stone
a vision buried beneath the surface

hungry cold slow death becomes me
but with weak hands
i envision life anew

thesame dark sirens lure me into the rocks repeatedly, but just bc i fall for it every time doesn't mean I'm stupid. it's the song, and it Will always own me, until i can finally lay this ache in my heart to rest.