breathe, dip into the water and go under it all and hold yourself alone

Saturday, April 04, 2009

fuck you, you have no idea, fuck you

Shit. I get up and go to the kitchen. Grab a bottle of vodka from the cupboard. And a shot glass. Pour myself a shot. Hold it for a moment and just look at it. Then I look out the window. And back at the glass again. And out the window.

This is not going to save me. I'm only going to be the same old stupid fucking Desiree, but sloppy. It's 9:43 in the morning. Nothing is going to save me. I just have to deal with this. Shit. 

I pour the shot into the sink. Put away the bottle and the glass. Walk away.

Am I strong enough? Will I ever fucking win?

3 comments:

dailydisastergirl said...

Two times yes.
Don't give up.

Bambola said...

Yes & yes. You were strong enough that day. You will be able to each day.

vinny said...

Vodka should not be the drink of choice.

Sorry I ain't helping.

Next time, a cup of joe - but real real strong. The kind that knocks you back after the first sip, then you keep going.

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