i am dying because i am underwater. i am soooooo emo. read my blog  and comment. Love you. : ) \

Let it matter.

"They amputated his head?" I have to ask, and the moment it leaves my frickin lips I realize that is obviously NOT what he said, unless he is a retarded person who can't speak English, and he just gapes at me with this mock horrified expression and then goes, "Bobby, oh my God, where did you get this girl? LEG, mija, they amputated his LEG."

Which is horrible, I realize once what he is saying registers in my brain, this is a really tragic fucking story. So this guy works at the zoo spraying around inside the monkey cage with a big fuckin water hose to clean shit and piss offa the rocks and stuff and one day outta fuckin nowhere all the monkeys go fuckin PSYCHO and ATTACK him and they bite him so bad he has to AMPUTATE a fuckin LEG.

See, what I like though is he's got fuckin stories to tell and a way of tellin em but also an EMOTIONAL way of relating about everything so we can really get into the heart of whatever we talk about. Every time I see him I feel happy to have him around just because he's such an awesome person to me, because really there is nothing like a person with some good fucking conversation skills.

I like that I have a good handful of people in my life who I always know I am CLOSE to, that we can just be open and intimate about anything in the world.

I want to live life like a flower with her petals open just basking in the sun. That sounds kind of corny maybe but I mean it.

"Look at the world.
Look at the world in all its grandeur and all its horror.

Let it matter."

~Lucy McCormnick Calkins

to laugh or to cry......

So I was in the bathroom at my friend Evelyn's house and there was this magazine on the floor that said, "Look twelve years younger!" on the cover and I was like, "Ha, how about no? I don't really want to look TEN."

But then I thought, "Wait, Bobby would probably be happy about that actually."

But since nobody in that house really ought to know he's a pedo cuz they would probably FREAK OUT, I had to keep my little joke all to myself.
 
*sigh*
 
 
 
 
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worst guessing game everrr

Bobby comes home and snuggles into bed with me with these guilty words, "I have to tell you something. I lied to you. It's horrible. You're going to dump me. You're never going to forgive me."

"You're not really allergic to pineapple?"

Awkward silence. And then, "No."

"You ARE going to become a child molester?"

"NOOO!!"

"You stuck yer dick in some random chick and now yer worried you might be infested with something nasty?"

"NO, worse than that!"

"You think I'm ugly."

"No, you're beautiful."

"Come on, I'm pretty resilient, just tell me."

"I caaan't! It's really really bad."

"That's it, whatever, fine, don't tell me, I'm already mad at you anyway for being mean to me in my dream and telling me I'D MAKE A HORRIBLE BUSINESSWOMAN."

"That was just a dream!"

"I'm really mad at you right now, leave me alone."

"Okay okay I'll tell you."

"What."

"Remember your bedtime story? I lied. She doesn't get hit by a train in the end. She actually manages to burst through the sound barrier again and makes a shitload of money with her sister for discovering time travel. They become rich."

"Awwww! This is good. But yer still in touble for being an asshole in my dream."

"Oh my God."


best part of the bedtime story:

when she gets attacked by an angry mob and they break her wheelchair so she has to run away to save herself, and hides out in a dumpster. At which point I have to stop him and ask, "But Bobby, why would she be in a wheelchair if she could RUN AROUND?"

"BECAUSE SHE'S LAZY! Now are you telling this story, or am I?"

"Right, sorry, carry on."

I dunno wuts better, the fact that me and LeeAnn are in palm springs and at eleven we're gonna go make our own SQUIRT GUNZZZ, tan at the pool, play on the waterslide, relax in the sauna, and then spend the whole day going to museums and art galleries, or how healthy we will be eating all day so I won't have to cry at the lack of vegetables in my life.


 
 
 
 
 
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cheesecake makes everything better. I woke up at like six in the frickin morning cuz my stupid cough and sore throat and stuffy nose were making it impossible to stay comfortable. But then I had some cherry cheescake, and for a moment all was right with the world. Then I put the cake away and hawked a loogie and my taste buds went from "Yesss!" to "God no!", but still.


 
 
 
 
 
 
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How shiny and bouncy and perfectly manageable is my hair right now? I FEEL LIKE A SUPER HOTT GODDESS OF SEDUCTION!!!! Don't worry Rodrigo-- I mean, he he, Bobby-- it's all for you. Aaaallll for you, babe. I love you so much.


*grabs a handful of her luscious hair and waggles it at you like a maniac, tickling your face. "Healthy hair, healthy hair!!!!!"*



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one of us is out of touch

"There are two levels of not caring about what people think of you. One makes you a badass, and the other one makes you a lunatic." ~everythingsucks


Maybe I'm really just a moronic off-kilter loser but I like to call myself liberated and non-conservative. I think it's fuckin great if a guy wants to walk around in public wearing nothing but high heels, fishnets, and skanky langerie. And if I want to walk around all day wearing a fake mustache for no particular reason I can't help but say I kind of resent anybody who freaks out about it and cries to me, "What are people going to THINK if they see you like that???"

If I'm at Walmart checking out in line, emptying out my little basket, and I take the basket, put it on my head, knock on it and say, "HEY!!! LEMME OUT!!!" like I'm in jail that is me being silly, and nothing to yell at me about later because it makes me look like a retarded person with no sense of how to be "normal."

Don't tell me I can't wear my donkey hat when I'm in public with you either.

Don't tell me that it's stupid for me to think Lady Ga Ga has the right kind of balls, wearing the most ridiculous outfits ever. I don't really like her music, honestly, and I don't know much about her personality, but fuck, I like her sense of ADVENTURE when it comes to fashion, why does my loving the freedom and artistic expression of this hold no value to you at all? Why do you have to be so narrow-minded, man?

I love that you're a racist homophobe too. That's fuckin awesome.

lyrics to my newest song in which I play badass guitar

he says to hold on to the one thing you've always got:
the life that courses through you.
I wish I didn't get so scared and overwhelmed when I ought to be fine.

Do I have to be a damaged person all my life?
When will I ever be free?

Oh you know it happens again and over again
my mojo dies on me
In a world of light I wrap myself in darkness and become numb






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I bought myself these magnet letters so I could write cool stuff on the refridgerator. I should paint them with glow in the dark paint!!! The other day, I put up: "D-RAY = AWESOME". Except the second A was an upside-down V and the first E was a backwards upside-down 3 cuz I ran out of letters. And then I left to go do stuff in San Diego for awhile and when I came back up here, Joe had fucked it all up, like the typical bitch-hole ass that he always is. He made it say: "DUH-RAY = LAME".

I took it down and put up: "DEZI
                                               ROX"

Because I DO rock and people oughtta take note. He better not fuck with my magnet letters again or I swear I will go get my little bottle of silver glitter and just sprinkle it all over him. Glitter is a thing I threaten people in this house with since I wear it all the time and they all get pissed off that somehow THEY end up being glittery all the damn time too. And I'll yell at him, "WHO'S CRYING NOW, SISSY PANTS!!!!!"




















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What I love about being an artist is the stupidest stuff can happen to you but lead to the best inspiration for some creative idea. It makes setbacks seem more like new opportunities and life in general more interesting and layered.

fear

There's something warm and beautiful that we say with our eyes before he tries to put it into words and I shrink away into a world of vulnerable insecure loneliness.
It's different with each person, the way that you run. What they draw out of you and what you hold back.

But the worst kind of running I think that I do, is when I run from my own fucking self. Until reality just slaps me in the face and forces me to open my eyes and grow up already.

Hi-lights of Hanksgiving:

Sean's story of getting maced by an old lady

Free pearl bracelet--score!!!

torturing Heather in unmentionable ways

Rum and coke w/ LeeAnn: "You help me, and I'll help you, and together---we'll almost be one person."
"It's a figlent of yer immagration!"

Hi-lights of Saturday night:

/bumming money offa Bobby's dad: "Can I give you this fake money in exchange for some real money?" Handing him a wad of fake cash and a plastic gold coin. Getting 8 bucks out of it. (Yessss!!!)

My awesome pg-rated strip tease in which I humped a lot of people's faces, whipped Danielle with my belt, and managed to make pulling socks out of my bra and throwing them at people seem sexy.

realizing that Paco and Andrea are the perfect, most adorable couple ever.

Discovering the glory that is Ketel One vodka.

Hi-lights of Sunday:

Apparently Jennifer is "muffining out" of her skinny jeans? Anyway this means I get all her old cool pants. They make me feel HOTT!!!!

falling in love with Duffy McFluffy the pillow-pet dolphin

Tidbit and Yum Yum -- A Blossoming Romance?

Yum Yum is a girl shark and you can see that she is very beautiful. I made her to be a companion for Tidbit, my stuffed boy shark that my friend bought me. Tidbit was always humping my leg and the furniture and stuff and I just thought he would be happier if he had a girlfriend. They haven't met yet cuz I left him in Vista and I'm in San Diego right now, but I'm going up there for the weekend and hopefully they will hit it off. I'll put up pictures of them together maybe if all goes well.

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