breathe, dip into the water and go under it all and hold yourself alone

Saturday, May 02, 2009

I am avoiding---
Oh, shit. I can’t tell you. 
I don’t know how to. 
Sorry. 

But it’s like…I wish I had the guts.
And this room is supposed to be beautiful 
but I don’t want to look at anything.
Nothing moves me 
And I don’t feel happy. I feel---

I can’t stop twisting my hair around my fingers. 
And there’s a funny taste in my mouth.
The aftertaste of banana. 
Not so sweet.

What am I trying to say?
No, I can’t say it. 
I don’t want to think anymore.
Nevermind. 
It’s nothing.

4 comments:

Mariana Soffer said...

Numb, That is how you feel,
nothing makes any difference
Wandered out of reach
Too far to speak
Drifting unable
Just want the void
the empty void
neither pain, neither joy

Jon said...

sometimes silence speaks louder than words... the moment where we hesitate to speak... where we open up... I know there is lots of emotion in these words... thanks for sharing your thoughts...

bard said...

I really like this. You capture the feelings of indecision, hope, and regret all at once. Well done.

Desiree said...

Mariana---that is a really hard, sad poem. Shit.

Jon---You make me want to write more.

Bard---It amazes me that your interpretation is so dead on, when I was afraid to speak and say anything at all but what I said was revealing enough.

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"Are you becoming what you always hated?" --- Charles Bukowski