"Try to point my finger
but the wind
keeps blowing me around
in circles"

-A Camp

"Please put on some make-up," she begs me,
and then a few minutes later she's coming at me with this bottle of perfume,
spritzing me by surprise before I can move out of the way and escape
with this godawful overly-sweet cheap musky scent
and then she COMMANDS me to wear heels instead of tennis shoes
and when we're in the cab she makes some comment about fucking me later
and I'm like, "Dude, no, I'm seriously not fooling around with ANYBODY anymore,"
but she's like, "We'll see" like she's got seductive powers I can't even resist
and then later she's got me in bed with this dude who
I told her repeatedly already I DID NOT want to have a threesome with
but they're both touching me and telling me to join in
and finally I'm like okay whatever and I give him a kiss
and when she starts talking saying something stupid I'm like,
"You know what? Shut up and suck it,"
and I force her mouth back down onto his cock and watch her choke.

God I hate that girl.

Hannah

"But I want a nap!" I say begrudgingly but with a gentle loving tenderness to my voice, waving her off as I loaf in bed with a pillow over my face. She wants me to play around more. I'm like, "Can't you find a way to entertain yourself alone?" She tells me there is nothing to do but maybe eat some brownies or something. Which sounds kind of stupid to me and I get a little bit concerned. "This is not good!" I tell her. "If you can't find a way to fight boredom on your own, you just won't have as much fun in life."

She tries to get creative, decides to let me nap for a little bit and while I rest she makes up a scavenger hunt. So when I wake up she hands me a note with a hint on it about where the next note is, and I have to search all around the house for these silly notes, one after another, while she is at my side rooting me on. And finally I get to the last note, which will lead me to my prize, and I ask her what the prize is and she says, "ME!" and holds her arms out wide like she just has so much in the world to offer and I tackle her with a big hug. On the back of the last note it says, "Thanks for coming over". Which I find rather sweet.




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