breathe, dip into the water and go under it all and hold yourself alone

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

call of the tube

I have this thing I do when I'm feeling kinda spunky where if I get in a person's way I am just compelled to demand a password before I let them through. Most of the time I don't even actually know what the password is and I really just expect them to give me one that sounds impressive, or something that seems like it would MAKE a good password hits me and I just expect the person to read my mind given the context of my weird facial expressions which I count as hints.

Sometimes people try to brush me aside? Or they play but rather begrudgingly. The point, however, of being spunky is NOT to get along with people but to have a good time being a nuisance. I kinda can't help but torture people with my game quite regularly. Most often, sadly, I have to confess the password because they are hopelessly lost or admit I don't actually have a real one and then my poor victim is forced to play along with me anyhow and we make up what the password should be, which usually has something to do with some stupid inside joke going around or disgustingly enough I might force them to say something ridiculously nice about me.

"Tubee MickTube," Bobby bursts out very confidently when I've got him trapped and he can't get out of the fucking kitchen until I grant him freedom. "I don't care if that's not the real password, it is from now on, because Tubee demands recognition." And even though I hate how I didn't really get to torture him at all I must respect such solid logic and move out of his damn way.

Tubee MickTube is like the bestest tube in the world. He makes me happy. I got him at Blockbuster, he was the container for some ugly stopwatch I never even bothered figuring out how to work because although I told myself I liked the watch when I bought it what I was really after was the damn tube the thing was in, but hey, maybe one day I will be in the mood to slap that thing on and figure out how to set it and wear it around all super proudly.

Aaaaaaanyway though, my friend LeeAnn was with me and she was the one who kind of inspired such excitement about the tube, she was like, "Do you know what we could use that thing for???" and I was like, "MmmmmmHmmmmmmm, I hear you girl," and we decided it had to be done. Except the guy at the counter, I handed him the tube without the watch in it because I was so excited just to hold the tube in my hands on it's own I'd pulled out the watch before he'd even rung up the price and so I just handed him the empty tube, which he scanned and then thoughtlessly THREW THE DAMN TUBE AWAY and I had to ask him like four times to give me my tube back before he realized what I wanted because he couldn't grasp the logic of me needing such apparent trash back. WHAT an ignoramus.

So all day long me and LeeAnn were singing songs about Mr. Mick Tubee, our new pal, our favoritest tube in the whole world. Driving in the car listening to music, we'd sing on top of the songs and replace all the lyrics with our random Tubee MickTube poetry, which mostly just involved saying, "tubee Micktoob" repeatedly.

And Tubee MickTube became our phrase that just embodied a sense of utter joy and love for life.

Anyway, Bobby knows how deeply my heart is moved just to hear the phrase "Tubee MickTube" and he's taking advantage of it now to win my fucking password game, but I guess I'm the one who wins because Tubee is the light of my life and I can't ever hear his name enough.

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